I Am Sick

I am back in Pittsburgh, exactly where I want to be.

However, I am sad here alone without my two Ts. I miss them both so much and being alone in my apartment makes me wish for their company even more. It is nice though, to have time alone, relaxing with no obligations, in my own house. With Una.

Too bad I'm sick though. It's amazing when you get sick and realize how much disgusting stuff your body can produce. I am so full of mucus. Little miss mucus from now on. I'm becoming the abject.

I often fear that I am sick mentally. Like right now. I feel like I continue to torture myself with some things. I have grown so much, but why are there some cycles that I can't break? I feel like shit with certain people, yet it's very hard to stop being around them. There are some good things, but only he can make me cry so easy. I wish I had the power to just cut him out of my life. But maybe it's making me stronger.
I hope so, because I sure as hell don't want to get weaker.

I Miss Your Brain

I haven't brushed my teeth
since you left,
I don't want to destroy that
last lingering kiss.
It has to last me three weeks,
maybe more.
Real months and hours
don't apply to me and you.

Back From The Dead

I'm doing it again. This time for real. Not just a measly 7 posts either.

So, I'm at home in ct for christmas, and I'm bored and lonely. I miss my friends and my love, more than I thought I would. It's nice to see my momma and some of my friends here, but it's hard because we all know that this isn't my home anymore. I feel pretty weird staying in my mom's house, like I'm an intruder, crashing into her and my stepdad's routine (which I definitely don't want to be a part of). Suburban middle class lifestyle is not for me, and I feel more and more out of place every time I come home, because that's all that everyone here wants. I hope that isn't too condescending.

At least Una is with me. Here is a letter I wrote her last night:
Dear Una, I like the way that your belly sounds as you are drifting to sleep. Your forehead and my hand fit together perfectly. I wish sometimes that we could sleep together all day. You are better than anyone else at warming my legs.
love, jen